Cody Explains it All

So the other day this ghetto high school kid came to my door. He had a self done labret with a huge spike in it and his clothes were too big. He explained to me in slang that "yo we're selling magazines to win a competetion to go to cancun. It'll be like girls gone wild and shit, see some titties." He then noticed my tattoos and showed me the "tattoo" on his wrist of kanji that he even stated he had no idea what it meant. He explained that it was called "paint style" and made to look fake. He then rubbed his "tattoo" to prove it was indeed real. As he pulled his fingers away they were covered with what appeared to be black paint and his "tattoo" was now smudged. I told him I couldn't afford any magazines. And he said that was a cool guy anyway and he was glad he came by.

I guess the point of this rule is that this guy does EVERYTHING wrong. Obviously not at any point time has he made a proper decision. So don't do a fucking thing this guy does. If you do expect to get made fun and then ran over with a car becuase that's what you would fucking deserve. Except call me a cool guy, he was right about that. I'm willing to bet I'm the only cool guy he's ever met. He sure as hell didn't learn anything from them if he has met them.

I don't want to walk down the hallway and hear people pee. That is fucking gross. I have no idea why this didn't cause an uprising a long time ago. I'm so disgusted by this event that I'm amazed not everyone is as equally upset by it as I am.

I'm so bothered by this that unless I feel the bahtroom is adequetly away from people I won't use it. Do me a favor and do the same.

During the day one of three things are going on. I'm at work, I'm at class or I'm sleeping. At work or class I can't talk to you on the phone. If sleeping you don't need to talk to me. It can wait till the evening. I leave my phone in case of emergencies but there is only one thing that warrents you waking me up. That is that there is a giant squid batteling a sperm whale outside my window and I get to see it. But unfortunately I don't live on the ocean so the chances of that happening are very very small. I suppose finding a manufacterer that makes pants of actual fire would warrent a phone call. Other then that I don't want to hear shit from you during the day. I'm fucking busy.

Unless we're tight enough that you would buy me food when I don't have money for food and would expect me to do the same if roles were reversed...don't say hi to me in public. If we are in a situation to be friendly that's cool. Otherwise don't talk to me, I'm a busy man I've got shit to. That shit does not include standing in the mall for five minutes making uncomfortable conversation about shit that doesn't matter. Leave me the fuck alone.

You're just going to spend it on something stupid anyway.

I don't care what you think the Confederate Flag stands for, it does stand for "jackass." So that's what you're being when you sport that idiotic symbol. Especially retarded is when it's used in unison with an American Flag, for fuck's sake how does that make any sense?

"I support the United States of America, I love this country. Unless of course you wanna just leave and start your own country, I'm cool with that too"
That's what you're saying...oh yeah and that you're a dirty fucking racist, which last I checked wasn't something I would be too proud of.

Picking out songs that I hear is way too much responsibility for the average person to undertake. Nine times out of ten the caller picks something stupid, and ten times out of ten they pick something that is on the stations regular rotation, had the idiot not called in I would have heard the song anyway. Talk about a waste of fucking time, the point of request radio is to hear a good song that doesn't get played often. Here's a hint if you're listening to a classic rock station chances are they'll play some fucking Styx, Bob Segar, or AC/DC you don't need to fucking request it, stupid ass.

OK the meat and potatos of this rule is the beard isn't cutting it, shave mother fucker. But the rule is much more complex then that, there are exceptions to the rule but they are a bit lengthy so here I go.

-sideburns - sideburns are rad, if you can't grow them you're not a real man and should start wearing a dress
-stubble is okey dokey smokey - I hate shaving too so I understand the stubble but if you let it grow into a full blown beard, shame on you
-biker beards - bikers can have beards but it has to be a super long beard like ZZ Top
-ancient chinese emperors - they can have a fu man chu, in fact they HAVE to have a fu mah chu otherwise the samurai would revolt or something
-cops - they can have moustaches so as to help identify them to the rest of society as police.
- lumberjacks - they are the main exception they can have what many consider to be a traditional "beard" it drives the lumber jills crazy when the lumberjacks get syrup all up in there beard. So mostly the beard is a sexual thing and we shouldn't deny the lumber species the ability to multiply.

So there ya go, now if I see someone not following these rules it means I get to sock you in the eye.

This includes saying you'll do something daily, it's impossible to do anything everyday except brushing your teeth. It's obvious from the amount of bad breath I run into that some of you fucks can't even muster the energy for that simple task.

Everyone knows a mullet is a stupid haircut (newsflash:so are mohawks), it's funny when people have stupid haircuts, I agree. But I'm tired of hearing about mullets, people talk about mullets way too much. There are websites that are devoted to mullets, people consider themselves experts on mullets, people bother naming mullets, people talk about mullets on the radio. These are the same people that need to get a life, let it go, move on. Not once should someone have a conversation about a haircut, it's a fucking haircut. The only time the word "mullet" should come up is when you see somebody with the haircut and you show your friends; we can eliminate use here however, by simply pointing and laughing. I swear to god if I see any of you mouth breathers taking a picture of someone with a mullet I'm going to fucking kill you. How a white trash haircut ever became part of the zeitgeist I will never fucking know